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As I mentioned earlier this week, my great friend D is coming today and staying over tonight and tomorrow night. It's our celebration of my birthday. I turn the big 3-0 next Wednesday. Yikes! We're going to see Tori Amos tomorrow night and generally hanging out together. But I haven't been able to do anything I wanted to do in preparation for her visit.
I wanted to clean the house from top to bottom. It didn't happen. I wanted to hit the grocery store to buy ingredients to prepare some home cooked meals for us. It didn't happen. I wanted to do some cooking ahead to relieve some of the pressure I'm putting on myself to be the hostess with the mostess. It didn't happen.
Instead, C cleaned as much as he could today while I slept. I feel so lazy and so disappointed in myself. The person in our household who works full time and goes to school full time is the one who ends up doing the cleaning. I hate this.
I'm on the verge of an identity crisis. I can't keep a job, which is hard enough. But what the heck am I good for if I can't even do some light housekeeping and cooking? I feel like all I do is take, and I hate it.
Technorati Tags: depression, migraines, chronic illness, health, somebody heal me
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Content by Diana E. Lee.
4 comments:
It's ironic that this comes after your Permission to Feel Crummy article.
You are good for a lot of things. You write this very informative and very personal blog. And I've read your sensible comments on other people's blogs. That's worth a lot for a lot of strangers out there who suffer the same as you.
You're so kind. I have a hard time not focusing on the negatives sometimes, so it is really nice to be reminded of the positives. Thank you. :)
The ups and downs of being, hmmm...."Chronic"- it sucks out loud doesn't it!
Here's my advice to you for today; just take today as you can, just today. Live it. Love it. then leave it.
Because really, Diana, what can you change about yesterday? Nothing. And tomorrow, you will not be able to change today. So for today, just LIVE how EVER you can.
I hope that makes some semblance of sense to you. Feel well baby.
It certainly does, Deb!
Thank you so much for your kind, thoughtful words. They brought tears to my eyes.
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