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Most of the resources I've read about how to prepare for a doctor's appointment recommend bringing a loved one with you so that person can help you remember what the doctor said and make sure you get your questions and concerns addressed. But when I read Paula Kamen's book All in My Head: An Epic Quest to Cure an Unrelenting, Totally Unreasonable and Only Slightly Enlightening Headache
On page 87 of her book, Kamen describes the contents of a letter written by one of her former doctors.
It turned out he thought I was behaving erratically and mistakenly believed that I had not even tried the drug he had prescribed. He also interpreted my financial dependence as some kind of motivation for the so-called pain. And he saw the presence of my mother—oh, the poor mother, always an object of blame in psychoanalytic theory—as signaling some kind of warped and stifling relationship, instead of one human helping out another in need.
I think Kamen's experience begs the question of whether you do yourself more harm than good by bringing a close friend or family member with you to your appointments. Obviously, you need to make sure you pick the right kind of person to come with you. Don't choose someone who is known to interrupt people or talk over them. Don't choose someone who might be combative or difficult to deal with. Choose someone who understands his or her role in being there and is willing and able to fulfill that role.
I usually take someone with me to out of town doctor's appointments because I never know if I will feel up to driving myself. Sometimes I also receive treatments that require someone to drive me home. My husband can't easily get away from work because he works for himself and is trying to get established in his field, so either my mom or dad (or both) comes with me. They are the perfect type of people to bring with you. They pay close attention to what is being said, but don't interrupt. They are patient with the sometimes long waits and never act put out when plans change on the fly. I really don't have any qualms about taking my mom, dad or husband with me to appointments regardless of what a doctor might think of me or them. It's a necessity and stressing out about it doesn't change that.
Do you bring a loved one with you to your doctor's appointments? Have the results been good or bad or a little of both?
Totally Unreasonable and Only Slightly Enlightening Headache
by Paula Kamen
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Being a 'Difficult Patient' Could Compromise Your Quality of Care
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Content by Diana E. Lee.DISCLAIMER: Nothing on this site constitutes medical or legal advice. I am a patient who is engaged and educated and enjoys sharing my experiences and news about migraines, pain and depression. Please consult your own health care providers for advice on your unique situation.
4 comments:
I have gone both ways on this, however I think the worst thing is physicians who are not specialists in psychology forming opinions that are psychologically based about a physical illness.
If they think it is a psychological illness, then refer the patient to a psychologist. Instead most of them keep the patient coming, treating them poorly, but still receiving payments for services actually not rendered. My opinion is most of these physicians that do this are very poor diagnosticians - its easier to say the patient has a psychological illness than to admit you can't figure out what to do. Also they seem to think that patients have a "need" to be seen by them, what does that tell you about their egos?
I read an article where it stated that physcians often form their opinion of you as a patient in the first five minutes of the first appointment. Isn't that ridiculous? But I'm afraid it is true.
I think it's a good idea to bring someone with you, especially if you can't drive, but also I've found that the doctors can help explain my "invisible illness" to my loved ones better than I have. Or using the same words and all but they believe the doctor. I have had relatives who still don't get it and think the doctor is pulling my leg - whatever!
I have trouble sometimes with memory due to migraines and it helps having someone else there to hear it. I've had loved ones ask to go so they can learn more about my illness. I do have one doctor who always writes down everything she's saying to me so I can read it later and remember and two doctors who let me email them for clarifications and always quickly respond to my emails.
I've never had the experience that a doctor took it the wrong way or put on me negative opinions. Lucky I guess, obviously, from your post not all doctors feel that way.
Maybe I have had doctors feel that way in the past and didn't notice. I don't see them anymore, so I guess that's good. And good that I ignored it.
It is a good idea and you can just say to your doctor at the start that "I brought so-and-so because I want them to learn more about my condition and my migraines work funny with my memory and it's better to have another set of ears to help me remember."
My docs now are very open and welcoming to help explain the migraine problem I have and want to spread the word of how debilitating it can be and yet that I am still a person and a good one and not a drug seeker. Most of my docs tell my loved ones that I am a well informed good patient who asks good questions.
Of course I have fired docs who don't let me ask questions. There are bad docs out there, but some great ones too.
Elizabeth
Wow, after an ER/hospital admit from He## I have been doing a "how to" blog series about this very subject. Will be sure to link to this post too.
I try to go on my own to most visits with docs I have a relationship with. If the doc is not respectful or I think I need help I take a family member. I try always to have someone with me if in the hospital, but sometimes they have to step out a few moments, and that's what happened last time.
I wish I felt free to voice my traumatizing experience, but suffice it to say that trying to stand up for one's self while in the grip of un-treated Migraine of several days, is difficult at best, especially when faced with with someone like this.
When hubs returned, he got the doc back in the room to "discuss" options. The doc's demeanor was completely different without his "residents" and WITH my advocate. Fortunately, because I had someone to speak for me when I couldn't, I finally got treatment enough to get me the 4 hr trip home where I could at least writhe in the darkness of my own bedroom for the next 2 weeks (and counting).
Yes, I believe in having a "good advocate" with me if I can. The use of a recording device also tends to make life easier, but check your state laws on the subject.
Also vital to bring - a smile and a respectful, kind attitude. Unfortunately, a kind attitude isn't often respected anymore.
Whether someone comes with me or not depends on the type of appointment. When I was seeing an oncologist I always made sure someone was with me because emotionally you tend to shut down both after certain amounts of time as well as after certain topics are discussed. Say the word cancer and you'll have a big gap in what else you remember from that visit.
That being said, I lead the appointment when I have someone else with me and bring notes, questions, etc.
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